Whoopsy!
Parting is such sweet sorrow
The "O" Word
The Baby Borrowers: Episode 1
What exactly does the "M" in AMA stand for again?
Disgusted by the Stars
You Know the Economy's Really Hurting When
The Baby Botchers
Chucky's Little Dog?
The Joy of Food Service

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Elliot, Schm-Elliot

I am seriously about to lose my mind. The entire city of Richmond has lost what little tenuous grip it had on sanity and has gone Elliot Yamin-crazy. And it is driving me nuts!

Let me preface this by saying, I don't watch American Idol. I don't care about American Idol. If I want to see karaoke, I'll go to my local bar. I don't feel the need to earmark 2 hours of my week in order to pay homage to musicians of yesteryear or watch Ryan Seacrest's metrosexual bantering. However, since "Richmond's Own Elliot Yamin" has progressed through the rounds of American Idol, it seems there is no way to get away from American Idol. I am innudated with American Idol and Elliot Yamin on the radio every stinking day. There are billboards up in town supporting him. Everywhere I seem to go in town, I am being urged to "Vote Like Yamin It!!!!!"

All I want to do is hurl things like I mean it.

The past two days have really driven home for me how utterly batshit crazy people are about stinking American Idol. Thursday's Richmond Times-Dispatch had a story about Elliot making it into the final 3 as their TOP STORY. Today, practically every radio station and television station in town in hungrily reporting any little tidbit about Elliot's visit back to Richmond. If we are breathlessly and excitedly informed that Elliot stopped to take a crap, I honestly would not be surprised. This day of Elliot-mania will be capped off by a parade (Yes, a freaking PARADE!!!!) and Elliot throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game.

Look, I'm not railing against people having idols or admiring stars. Americans are a celebrity-obsessed group of people and everyone should have someone that they admire or look up to. But this is just nuts. No offense to Elliot, but what exactly has he done that is so amazing and awesome? Has he cured cancer? Returned from defending our country? Finally gotten Tom Cruise to come out of the closet? No, nothing truly inspirational or miraculous like that. Elliot's feat is that he has been starring on a reality show. And he can sing. Are those really reasons for nearly elevating him to the status of the Messiah?

And before anyone asks, yes, perhaps these are just the bitter ravings of a heartless, cynical, misanthropic shell of a person who is just insanely jealous of the adulation that is being rained down upon Elliot. Perhaps I should just get on my broomstick and fly back to my cave instead of continuing to bash the angelic, miracle-making Elliot Yamin. But, you know, I prefer doing this a lot more. Plus, the mailman won't deliver my subscription to Entertainment Weekly to my cave...

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