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The Joy of Food Service

Advice for ANTM's Jade

Dear spingirl,

Look, I’m not writing because I need advice – I’m writing because I need to give some advice to these girls I live with. See, I’m 26 and I am in a competition with some other girls. I can’t really say what the competition is, but it’s not for America’s Next Top Best Friend, ok? Anyway, the other girls in this competition just don’t see how down-to-earth and cool I am and they hate on me instead. And hey, I can handle their hate, ok? Don’t get me wrong. I’ve lived in the belly of the beast – I can deal with a bunch of wannabe models with bad skin, ‘kay? It’s just that I want the other girls to see the real me. I want them to see how versatile and totally different I am. I mean, I know I’m hot and beautiful, but I’m still humble on the inside. And I want the other girls to see that. I know the other girls are just hating on me because they know I’m a threat. I’m a strong-ass woman. I’m a souljah sister. I don’t need to go around with a facazz of nicenessness. I am who I am: an exotic racial butterfly. But I want these girls to realize who I am. I want them to recognize who I am: that this girl’s got something. So, what advice should I give the other girls? - signed, The Undiscovered Supermodel

Dear Completely Discovered Superbitch,

Have you ever heard the term “She doth protest too much?” That would probably be a step up for you. Because let me lay some reality out for you, m’kay? If you’re 26 and still an “undiscovered supermodel,” even Tom Cruise trying to convince us he really impregnated Katie Holmes is fresher than you.

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