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The Joy of Food Service

Advice for a seemingly boring man

Dear spingirl,

I have a problem, and I’m not sure who else to turn to. My mother is a sneering, supercilious witch. My father is a somewhat distant computer genius who is on trial for obstruction of justice. And my dog? Well, Molly made the mistake of peeing on the bushes, and that was the last I saw of her.

I have had a rough couple of years. First, my mom told me that my girlfriend was my half-sister. But I still ended up sleeping with her (the girlfriend, not my mom). My actual sister was brutally murdered by my best friend’s dad, with whom she happened to be having an affair, and I was the one who found her body. I dressed up as Ducky from “Pretty in Pink.” The aforementioned girlfriend accused me of murdering my sister, leading me to run away to Cuba, where I grew out my whiskers and read Canadian newspapers. Possible sister told me she’s not my sister, but only after watching video tapes of definite sister have sex with best friend’s father. And my comatose ex-girlfriend, whose little sister is being locked up in a small room in a closet, gave birth to my child. And then died. I think that about covers it. Oh, and I have worn lots of argyle.

August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
November 2006
September 2006
July 2006
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May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
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December 2005

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