Mad Money's Personal Spin

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Advice for the Collagen Addicted Female

spingirl | 17 December, 2005 17:47

Dear spingirl,

Hi! So, I like have this problem, and it's like way bigger than trying to figure out whether "Chicken of the Sea" is chicken or tuna. It's about my face. See, a couple of weeks ago, my husband, whom I'll call "Rick", well, we broke up. And I was a little bummed, because, like Christmas is right around the corner, and I thought "Who's going to buy me a really cute present now?" (Though Daddy did say if I was a good girl and asked Santa really nicely, something nice might just pop up for me!).

So, there I was, feeling really bummed. It's Thanksgiving, I'm listening to my supremely non-talented little sister prattle on about how she's so edgy and hardcore (Whatever! We all saw the little jig you did on SNL, sis - neither edgy nor hardcore), and just feeling horrible. But Daddy made a terrific suggestion to brighten my mood: "Honey, why don't you go get your lips done." Daddy assured me that it would make me look sexy and desirable, and I think he was about to say more, but he had to go to the bathroom.

Well, I thought it was a great idea. What better way to feel better than to give myself a really sexy smile? That'll show Nick, er, Rick, that I don't need him to make myself wanted or a success. So, Daddy took me to the doctor and I got my lips puffed. Daddy said they look fantastic and not too slutty. He said God wouldn't have made collagen if he didn't want me to inject it in my lips. And you know what? Daddy's right!

So, my problem: A lot of the magazines and internet people are saying that my lips look really bad. I don't get it! Sure, my mouth hurts all the time, and I can't really smile or talk like normal, but it looks great. Why can't they see how sexy and independent I really am, like Daddy does? - signed, Lips like Sugar

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Advice for the Newest Apprentice

spingirl | 17 December, 2005 17:15

Dear Randall,

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! You have won The Apprentice! Whatever my feelings are about that bad combovered, duck-lipped, bloated egotistical jackass that you will be working for are, as well the logic of choosing to work for such a man, you won! You proved that you have the intelligence, mettle, and aptitude to succeed. Hats off to you for a well-played season.

Being a good little couch potato, I am aware of the backlash that you are receiving as a result of your voicing your opinion that Rebecca should not have been hired the night of the finale and that you should be the sole Apprentice. I say: Screw the naysayers! You did not owe Rebecca a thing. You beat her, fair and square, and you deserved the moment in the sun. It was not your fault that Trump, in thinking with his little head and not the one on his shoulders, made the idiotic decision to ask you about hiring Rebecca in the middle of your celebration. I do not place blame on you - I place it on Donald Trump for putting you in that position.

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Advice for a seemingly boring man

spingirl | 14 December, 2005 15:17

Dear spingirl,

I have a problem, and I’m not sure who else to turn to. My mother is a sneering, supercilious witch. My father is a somewhat distant computer genius who is on trial for obstruction of justice. And my dog? Well, Molly made the mistake of peeing on the bushes, and that was the last I saw of her.

I have had a rough couple of years. First, my mom told me that my girlfriend was my half-sister. But I still ended up sleeping with her (the girlfriend, not my mom). My actual sister was brutally murdered by my best friend’s dad, with whom she happened to be having an affair, and I was the one who found her body. I dressed up as Ducky from “Pretty in Pink.” The aforementioned girlfriend accused me of murdering my sister, leading me to run away to Cuba, where I grew out my whiskers and read Canadian newspapers. Possible sister told me she’s not my sister, but only after watching video tapes of definite sister have sex with best friend’s father. And my comatose ex-girlfriend, whose little sister is being locked up in a small room in a closet, gave birth to my child. And then died. I think that about covers it. Oh, and I have worn lots of argyle.

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Ewww! Just ewww!

spingirl | 13 December, 2005 10:34

Well, there appears to have been a recent upsurge in the number of older women who like their boytoys being on the other side of legal. The case of Lisa Clark, 37, from Georgia and her 15-year-old husband appears to be the latest.

The following quotes are taken from the news story at CNN:

"A 37-year-old woman who is seven months pregnant by her 15-year-old groom says she prefers older men, but the teenager aggressively wooed her."

Aggressively wooed her??? What did he do? Ride his bike to her house every night and recite her lines from "The O.C."? Justin Timberlake?

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Google me this, google me that

spingirl | 13 December, 2005 08:12

So, I’ll admit it: I google. I have entered my name into the google search engine in order to see what is out there in the vast cyberspace about me. Not that much, to tell the truth. I really have become such a bore. I was not this much of a bore when I graduated from Texas A&M, I swear. But the intervening years in graduate school really took all of the personality out of me. I’ve googled family members, friends. I google ex-boyfriends. Oh, come on! I know that I am not the only one. We all have a driving need to know what our exes are up to and find out whether they are any more successful than we are. Ok, maybe not all of us need to know these things, but I have always had an enquiring mind. Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but the truth. I have an almost voracious need to know what people are up to, whether it be my husband, my friends, elected officials, you know. Anyway, I have managed to keep tabs on at least one of my ex-boyfriends through the marvels of modern technology. The others? Well, their lives must be even more boring than mine, because google has jack about them.

America's Next Top Dog

spingirl | 11 December, 2005 16:48

Well, several of my friends have complained that I h ave not uploaded any new pics of my dogs to their dogster sites in a while. So, yesterday morning, I broke out the camera and attempted to get some new shots of them. It made me feel like I was doing a photo shoot a la "America's Next Top Model." Sort of. Sprocket, the husky, is far more photogenic than Wicket, my mutt, and it was so much easier to get great shots of him.

As I was attempting to choose which pictures I should upload, I had a vision of the judging panel from ANTM looking through the pics. The vision went something like this:

Tyra Banks: So, yesterday, we had you do a photo shoot in which you pretended to be family pets. And these were your best shots:

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Igor the Bunny

spingirl | 10 December, 2005 22:45

So, Scott and I went to Carrabba's restaurant right near the mall last night for dinner. Big mistake given that it is Christmas shopping season. We, of course, had to wait quite a while for a table. It was cold near the door, so I had my gloves on the whole time. Scott thought it would be funny to twist together some of the fingers on my right glove, and as I looked at the deformed glove, I realized it looked like something - a rabbit. A deformed rabbit. I, of course, in all of my silliness, named it Igor.

Isn't he cute?

Old Navy needs to be deployed

spingirl | 09 December, 2005 21:46

You know, the Old Navy television ads have always been annoying. Even back when they had the cute dog, Magic in them (and I adore dogs, so that means a lot coming from me). But their new ads are just way freaking beyond annoying. You know the ones I'm talking about - with Kristin Chenoweth. She's the short blond with the super cheesy line delivery. Look, I'm sure she's a great actress and all, but her voice grates something awful. So irritating. It almost makes me want to listen to Fran Drescher read the phone book. Almost. Someone needs to tell Old Navy that all publicity is not good publicity and irritating potential customers is not a good business decision. Which leads me to another point:

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Advice for a somnolent lass

spingirl | 09 December, 2005 12:10

Dear spingirl,

Hiii. I have a problem. I won this modeling show, and became a model. And it was like, waaaaoooow, I’m a totally different person now. See, I had a lot of problems in the last couple of years that I thought having a Mohawk would get rid of. But I’m not going to go into any details about why I was angry or troubled, because leaving it vague makes it more dramatic and mysterious and makes it seem like I have depth. So, like I was saying, I went on this modeling show and in spite of my obviously non-existent personality, I won. It was the most amaaaazing moment of my life. I had to take two extra Valium just to stay calm. Suddenly, I was a real life fashion model. Waaooow.

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Wherefore art thou season pass?

spingirl | 08 December, 2005 17:11

So, I watch a lot television. Two of my regularly Tivo'ed shows are America’s Next Top Model and Nip/Tuck. Which leads my everloving husband to conclude that I must really want to be a model or have plastic surgery. Men can be so silly. I don’t want plastic surgery, that’s for sure. On the whole, I am very happy with my features. The only thing I really don’t like is my nose, and, well, I’ve had it for 27 years, it’s done well for me, why bother to change it now. As for the modeling thing – well, perhaps hubby has touched a nerve.

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Advice for a lonely pup

spingirl | 08 December, 2005 13:36

Dear spingirl,

I have a problem that I hope you can help me solve. I am an adorable pitbull terrier who lives in Southern California with a cute blonde girl and her balding father. Last year, I went through some problems (I went through a very confusing phase where I wasn't sure who I really was - I felt like a completely different dog - but that resolved quickly) But blonde food girl always took me out to the beach, on walks, to chase bad guys, and to stakeouts (did I say steak?). I even got to save her life a couple of time. You would think that would earn me an unending supply of Milkbones and tummy rubs, but no.

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Random Thoughts

spingirl | 08 December, 2005 08:25

So, it's been less than 24 hours since I entered the blogosphere. So far, not bad. My stats show that someone out there has been reading my crap, so once again, not bad. I've been thinking about it, and I think I will definitely keep this blog and 86 the other two. Friendster, well, friendster seems so passe. Not that I am Ms.Hip-and-to-the-Moment (it's taken me how long to start a blog?), but, yeah. I spent some time perusing livejournal, and honestly, I like the system here at egoweblog much better. It's prettier. True, there aren't the communities here that are at livejournal, but I already spend so much time reading (and occasionally posting) at TWoP, I don't think I would have time for community at livejournal.

Yes, I'm trying to convince myself of these things.

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Man, that sucked ass

spingirl | 07 December, 2005 21:45

Okay, so I am a Veronica Mars fan. It's a great television show. But tonight's episode (One Angry Veronica) just sucked ass. Completely. The plot? Yawn. The acting of the jurors? Yawn. And you know, as much as I try, I just can't get all drooly excited about Logan/Jason Dohring. Yes he's a good actor, but he is not the second coming. Maybe I feel this way because I just don't get the LoVe (Logan/Veronica) 'ship. Logan is still the Obligatory Psychopathic Jackass in my mind. Plus, I think Duncan/Teddy Dunn is really cute. What?!!? I'm shallow. So sue me...

Help!

spingirl | 07 December, 2005 19:57

So, yeah, I'll admit it: I'm really new to this blogging stuff. There, see, admitting it is the first step. Now I just need some help to figure this stuff out! I am not a programmer. The last time I really did anything much in terms of publishing on the web was in 1997 when I opened a geocities website - yeah, I'm ancient. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out some of the stuff for this blog (and I think it is the nicer of the three I started today, so I may keep it). For instance - pictures. How the hell do you upload pictures? I've looked for the freaking FAQ. Maybe I am looking with my eyes closed. If someone could send a little help my way (hello? Bueller?) I would really appreciate it...

First post, Third blog

spingirl | 07 December, 2005 19:29

This is the first entry of my journal. My third blog I started today. Why my third? Because I am fickle and can't choose which service I want to use for my blog. So I have also opened a Friendster blog and an LiveJournal account. Friendster can be a pain to get into. LiveJournal seems cool, but only if you pay for an account. I'm Indian. I like free. Paying for an account is pretty much out of the question.

So, why am I starting a journal?

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