Mad Money's Personal Spin

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Disgusted by the Stars

spingirl | 19 June, 2008 14:50

Apparently, the former-A.C. Slater likes performing in front of a live audience.

Mario Lopez is quoted in People Magazine as stating that his proudest sexual moment was having sex on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland.

Brings new meaning to the pirate phrase "Yo, ho, ho."

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The Emancipation of Whitney

spingirl | 13 September, 2006 17:29

Hallelujah!! Ring the bells everyone!! Whitney Houston appears to have finally come to her senses and is kicking Bobby Brown to the curb! After 14 years of marriage, Whitney has filed for divorce.

It's about freaking time. One can only guess what caused the absolutely, fabulously talented (and once extremely classy) singer to get rid of her worse half, but as a longtime fan, I hope it means she has also stopped with the *ahem* herbals and not-so-herbals.

Man, I remember back in the '80s how Whitney was the epitome of talent and awesome pop music. Who knows how many times I tape-recorded her songs off the radio (it was what people did before iTunes and CDs, kids. No, I'm not joking.). I mean, it was Whitney, queen of the most popular talent show songs ever mutilated. I even remember watching her on "Silver Spoons" in the episode where she was dating Dexter - man, she was beautiful. And then in the '90s - well, I know I wasn't the only one who went to see "The Bodyguard" in spite of not being close to 17 yet! Ahhh...those were the days.

And then, she met Bobby Brown.

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Advice for ANTM's Jade

spingirl | 17 April, 2006 14:50

Dear spingirl,

Look, I’m not writing because I need advice – I’m writing because I need to give some advice to these girls I live with. See, I’m 26 and I am in a competition with some other girls. I can’t really say what the competition is, but it’s not for America’s Next Top Best Friend, ok? Anyway, the other girls in this competition just don’t see how down-to-earth and cool I am and they hate on me instead. And hey, I can handle their hate, ok? Don’t get me wrong. I’ve lived in the belly of the beast – I can deal with a bunch of wannabe models with bad skin, ‘kay? It’s just that I want the other girls to see the real me. I want them to see how versatile and totally different I am. I mean, I know I’m hot and beautiful, but I’m still humble on the inside. And I want the other girls to see that. I know the other girls are just hating on me because they know I’m a threat. I’m a strong-ass woman. I’m a souljah sister. I don’t need to go around with a facazz of nicenessness. I am who I am: an exotic racial butterfly. But I want these girls to realize who I am. I want them to recognize who I am: that this girl’s got something. So, what advice should I give the other girls? - signed, The Undiscovered Supermodel

Dear Completely Discovered Superbitch,

Have you ever heard the term “She doth protest too much?” That would probably be a step up for you. Because let me lay some reality out for you, m’kay? If you’re 26 and still an “undiscovered supermodel,” even Tom Cruise trying to convince us he really impregnated Katie Holmes is fresher than you.

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Advice for the Collagen Addicted Female

spingirl | 17 December, 2005 17:47

Dear spingirl,

Hi! So, I like have this problem, and it's like way bigger than trying to figure out whether "Chicken of the Sea" is chicken or tuna. It's about my face. See, a couple of weeks ago, my husband, whom I'll call "Rick", well, we broke up. And I was a little bummed, because, like Christmas is right around the corner, and I thought "Who's going to buy me a really cute present now?" (Though Daddy did say if I was a good girl and asked Santa really nicely, something nice might just pop up for me!).

So, there I was, feeling really bummed. It's Thanksgiving, I'm listening to my supremely non-talented little sister prattle on about how she's so edgy and hardcore (Whatever! We all saw the little jig you did on SNL, sis - neither edgy nor hardcore), and just feeling horrible. But Daddy made a terrific suggestion to brighten my mood: "Honey, why don't you go get your lips done." Daddy assured me that it would make me look sexy and desirable, and I think he was about to say more, but he had to go to the bathroom.

Well, I thought it was a great idea. What better way to feel better than to give myself a really sexy smile? That'll show Nick, er, Rick, that I don't need him to make myself wanted or a success. So, Daddy took me to the doctor and I got my lips puffed. Daddy said they look fantastic and not too slutty. He said God wouldn't have made collagen if he didn't want me to inject it in my lips. And you know what? Daddy's right!

So, my problem: A lot of the magazines and internet people are saying that my lips look really bad. I don't get it! Sure, my mouth hurts all the time, and I can't really smile or talk like normal, but it looks great. Why can't they see how sexy and independent I really am, like Daddy does? - signed, Lips like Sugar

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Advice for the Newest Apprentice

spingirl | 17 December, 2005 17:15

Dear Randall,

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! You have won The Apprentice! Whatever my feelings are about that bad combovered, duck-lipped, bloated egotistical jackass that you will be working for are, as well the logic of choosing to work for such a man, you won! You proved that you have the intelligence, mettle, and aptitude to succeed. Hats off to you for a well-played season.

Being a good little couch potato, I am aware of the backlash that you are receiving as a result of your voicing your opinion that Rebecca should not have been hired the night of the finale and that you should be the sole Apprentice. I say: Screw the naysayers! You did not owe Rebecca a thing. You beat her, fair and square, and you deserved the moment in the sun. It was not your fault that Trump, in thinking with his little head and not the one on his shoulders, made the idiotic decision to ask you about hiring Rebecca in the middle of your celebration. I do not place blame on you - I place it on Donald Trump for putting you in that position.

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Advice for a somnolent lass

spingirl | 09 December, 2005 12:10

Dear spingirl,

Hiii. I have a problem. I won this modeling show, and became a model. And it was like, waaaaoooow, I’m a totally different person now. See, I had a lot of problems in the last couple of years that I thought having a Mohawk would get rid of. But I’m not going to go into any details about why I was angry or troubled, because leaving it vague makes it more dramatic and mysterious and makes it seem like I have depth. So, like I was saying, I went on this modeling show and in spite of my obviously non-existent personality, I won. It was the most amaaaazing moment of my life. I had to take two extra Valium just to stay calm. Suddenly, I was a real life fashion model. Waaooow.

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